Father: The school report gives you 'D' for conduct and an 'A' for courtesy. How did you manage that? Son: Whenever I punch someone I apologise.
Barber: How do you want your hair cut? Boy: Like Daddy's - with a hole at the top.
Sir: Those who want to go to Heaven, hands up! All but Sunil do so.Sir: Sunil, don't you want to go? Sunil: My mom told me to come straight home!
Teacher: Ram what's your favourite state? Ram: Maharashtra Teacher: How do you spell it? Ram: Err.. I like UP much better.
5. Son: I don't want to go to school! The teachers think I'm stupid & the kids hate me. Mom: No! You should go. You are the Principal.
6. Teacher: I wish you would pay a little attention! Student:I am paying as little as I can.
7. Teacher: Tom, your short story is truly fantastic. Did you really write it? Tom: Yes, I wrote it, while my mother dictated.
8. Teacher: Tom, go to the map & find North America.Tom: Here it is! Teacher: Right. Now, class, who
discovered America? Class: TOM!!
9. Teacher: Why are you late? Webster: Because of the sign. Teacher: What sign? Webster: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
10. Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?" Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?
11. What did Mother broom say to Baby broom? It's time to go to sweep.
1. Sandeep is really showing a talent in planning for the future. Yesterday he bought 2 cases of beer instead of 1, keeping in mind the holiday today.
2. A modern young girl remarked "What I find wonderful is how my mother learned all the things she keeps telling me to avoid".
3. Funny8. She(in car): Would you like to see where I was vaccinated? He (excited): Yes! She: Keep your eyes open, we'll drive by there very soon.
9. Why were men created before women? Because you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
10. There are 3 ways to get things done. Do them yourself. Pay someone else to do them. Or FORBID your kids from doing them! Laws: * In Switzerland, it is illegal to flush the toilet after 10 PM. * In Arizona, US, donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
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. Our house is so small I had to train the dog to wag its tail up and down instead of from side-to-side.
5
. Man: "I read your book. I really liked the ending!" Author: "Really – what did you like about the ending?" Man: "I was so glad when it got over"
6.
Friend 1: So how do you feel when your wife is away. Friend 2: The whole house seems empty - except the sink - that's full of dishes!
7. What's use of your timetable? The trains are never on time. Stationmaster: And how would you know they were late if it wasn't for the timetable?
11
. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts!
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2. By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn't believe me.
13. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
14. When I open my eyes every morning I pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you....Why should only I suffer!!!
15. Q: Why are movie stars so cool? A: Because they have so many fans! Q: Where does a judge eat lunch? A: At the food court!
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